Merry Christmas Ron
by bob-the-blue
Summary: Complete. The sequel to 'Happy Birthday Ron.' Another PIMPHARRY story. WARNING: Hole abuse ahead.


**A/N: I'm trying to get my writing juices going. So I decided to write another PIMPHARRY storry. **

Padma held Harry's junk in a vice like grip. He could tell that she was far from happy. He knew her schedule, and it was the wrong day for this to be hormonal. He wondered what she was so upset about.

In a calm voice, she said to him "I find it completely unacceptable that _he _thinks _he _had his way with both my sister and I. Not after what happened at the Yule ball." Harry flinched, which really hurt under the conditions he was in. "You are going to fix this Harry."

Ah, that.

Several months before hand, Harry had need of some quick cash. He didn't have a way to get to the bank, but he had some polyjuice potion and stupid classmates.

Being a very quick thinker, Harry replied back to the Indian witch "Ok, I have an idea. It will make everything better and then some. Now, can you please let go?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ron Weasley was not a happy camper. _Somebody _had slipped him some sort of prank potion. It was a combination diuretic and blocker.

He was sitting on the toilet, having a very painful time. He could see between his legs (as there was not much there to block the view) that there was blood in the stool.

Ron had lost count of the number of times he'd bled from his anus in his lifetime.

This experience was becoming one of the worse simply because it would not end.

"Hey Ron, how's it going in there?" his best friend in the entire world, Harry Potter asked. Harry could do no wrong in Ron's eyes. He took Ron on adventures, got him laid, made him seem cooler by association, got him laid, and even now he was being comforting. In a manly way. Ron knew Harry wasn't a sissy or anything.

"Not good mate. It's like a very violent hurricane in there. And FEMA's told my ass help's been delayed."

"How do you know about FEMA?" asked Harry.

"How do you think?"

"Trying to empress Hermione again?" Ron's silence was met with "Come on, we had this conversation. We got drunk over this. Let it go already. If a girl says 'is it in yet', it's not meant to be."

"Fucking Dean."

"No, don't blame Dean for that mess. Lay that at the feet of Hagrid's 'little' brother." Both boys shuttered at that mental image.

"Bloody hell." said Ron.

"Probably literally."

"Gross mate."

"How about I make it up to you with your Christmas present?"

"Oh?"

"Tell me Ron, if you could have sex with any two birds, who would it be?"

Ron perked up at this. If there was one thing Harry was good at, it was getting people laid. It was mind blowing to Ron how powerful his friend was when it came to things like this. Harry was responsible for more hookups then games the Cannons had ever won in the team's whole history. Which really wasn't saying much to most people, but to Ron this was impressive.

"Fleur and Draco's mom."

"Wow, aiming high, aren't we?"

"Well, my last threesome kind of set the bar pretty high." His only threesome. "Especially with how much those girls liked anal play."

"Fair point. I'll see what I can do."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It was a week before Christmas when Harry came up to Ron.

"Ok, I have things all worked out."

"What things?" asked a typically clueless Ron.

"For your Christmas present. Remember, I asked you what you wanted. You told me. So, now I've set things up to make it happen."

Ron got the stupidest, even for him, grin on his face. "You did? Mate, you're the best!"

"There are just a few conditions, and they're a little strange."

"I don't care. If I can have a threesome with Malfoy's mom and the Veela, I can die a happy man."

"Ok. First, you have to be polyjuiced as me." Ron looked confused. "It was easier to convince them to do this, thinking they'd be with me." Realization dawned on Ron's face.

"Brilliant mate. They'll think I'm you. But don't go thinking this is going to be a regular thing. I'm only going to be you for this one time. I'm Ron Weasely, I can get my own women. But this is a nice present from you mate, so thanks."

Harry rolled his eyes, not that Ron noticed. "Also, I've found that these two can be quite kinky, so don't be surprised if they pull out some toys. Do you know what pegging is?"

"Um...no." said Ron.

"Well, you're in for a surprise then. Speaking of, don't be surprised if there is a camera set up. Harry Potter sex tapes go for a lot of money. And just think of Malfoy's reaction when he sees it?"

Both boys starting laughing at the thought of the blonde boy losing his shit over 'Harry' porking his mom.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

That Christmas ended up becoming the most memorable for Ron. He would never forget what those two women did to him. He would also never ask Harry to hook him up with anybody ever again.

Ron had been worried about not having enough time with the potion, but the women were more then happy to end things at fifty minutes or so. If Ron had been more observant, he would have wondered why they rushed out before him.

He was just glad they left, and had remembered to unlock everything. He just wanted to lay there and not move for a little while.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next time Harry saw Padma, she was much more happy with him.

"Alright there Padma?"

"Yes Harry. We're even now. I'm honestly surprised and even happy you came up with a solution that didn't involve memory charms."

"Well, now it's not a lie that he thinks he had sex with you and your sister."

Padma smiled evilly at this. "And I'm happy with my share of the profits of the video. Who would have thought Wizards and Witches would all be into watching that sort of thing?"

"Oh, you'd be surprised how big the market is for videos like that in the muggle world. Only the title 'Polyjuiced Potter and' whatever, would make no since there."

"My favorite was 'Polyjuiced Potter and the Bondage House Elves'."

"You should let Luna know that. It was all her. Well, her and Dobby. Those two are really scary when they work together. The video released was actually their fourth attempt. The first three was too much for general audiences."

"You consider that appropriate for general audiences?"

"No farm animals died."

"Fair point."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

In a secret location, Luna sat with her partner in crime Dobby the house elf.

"No. Ron is not allowed to be in the best selling Harry Potter porn. That should be my honor. Dobby, ideas?"

"We could be selling Mr. Harry Potter Sir's dumbass Weazy into slavery? They could geld Harry Potter Sir's dumbass Weazy and put him to work in a harem, he bees keeping an eye on all the yummies he can't have. Then we make a harem movie, and make sure he be in the background."

"That's not a bad idea. I was thinking more along the lines of trapping him in a loveless and nearly sexless marriage."

"That be the Weazy way."


End file.
